Yesterday I posted this quote on Facebook that a new friend of mine wrote in an email he sent out.
"When we open up to grace and let down our guard, the universe has a mystical way of presenting us with what we need to see." -Josh Blatter.
All day, everyday I do my best to be present, to be conscious & aware of not only myself & what I’m saying & doing but of those around me. How my thoughts, words & actions will have an effect on the world & those around me. I do this as an act of staying present. This is a practice & I’m not perfect. For those of you that read my blog know that I say this quite a bit. I know I’m not perfect. I know life is a series of trials & errors & learning from your mistakes. And yes, I’ve made quite a few of them in my life. But I have no regrets. In the past few days this is what I was meant to see.
As I was being hyper-aware of my AWARE-ness the past few days I started to recollect my awareness of the “collection” of actions & reactions of those closest to me in my life. As I laid my head down to rest next to my loving man last night, this collection started to take weight. It started to weigh so heavy on me, that my sadness for the state of the world & those reactive souls around me started to feel like the actual weight of the world. The fake, the superficial, the downright disrespectful, the reactive, the condescending & the ungrateful all began to take form in my head. They just lined up facing me and I started to cry. I cried to release the energy & the weight. I cried not only for me & my sadness but I cried for those that "FEEL" like I do. My sweet man did his best to comfort me & that warmed my heart. I just needed to cry. I love him that much more for being that ‘supportive rock’ that I had asked the Uni-verse for in a mate. He’s everything I’ve asked for & more! I’m so grateful for him!!!
I’ve been on a truth-seeking path in this past year of my life & I’ve been calling forth & asking the Uni-verse to bring in conscious & aware individuals into my life. Those that seek truth just as I do. Those that are loving & kind & have hearts the size of continents! And the Uni-verse has provided them. But the Uni-verse has also provided an onslaught of “mirrors” to help me work on being the best version of myself; to utilize all the tools I’ve learned over the years, through my spiritual journey.
As I cried in my man’s arms I told him I knew I was making a difference in this world. I knew that I had touched many peoples lives. I knew & trusted & whole-heartedly believed in my life’s work that I’m doing now. But this burdening sadness & these tears were mainly for those closest to me that I was seemingly having NO effect on.
As I asked myself what I wanted in this life, it became a more layered answer. Not only do I want happiness, peace & love for myself & the world but I want genuine authenticity. I’m over the superficial, I’m over just living on the surface. I don’t want to always be in a deep philosophical conversation, but I do want truth…as often as humanly possible. If you have a problem with me, say it. If there’s something that’s weighing heavy on you that I have triggered, speak it. I can only be the best version of myself when I’m constantly doing MY work. And I can only pick up so much on your energetic cues. I’m not a mind-reader & if you don’t speak, I’ll never know. I do my best to ‘be my best’ every moment of the day. I let my guard down often & I’m letting myself be more vulnerable in social situations. I do my best to be authentically & unapologetically me. If we have a problem & neither of us speaks it, then that problem will persist & manifest somewhere else in our relationship. If I do my work around the problem & you don’t then it becomes your problem & not mine. I’ve become less & less afraid to set my boundaries & speak my mind.
I know I can only live by example, that I cannot ask anyone to change…but my heart aches for these people that are close to me that are living an unconscious & reactive life, playing the victim or the martyr, that are cynics & would rather avoid looking deeper at the truth of what really is. Those that like to spin stories up in their head & assume rather than just asking for the truth. It is for you that I cried last night, for you I pray for, for you I send a blessing to. It is my wish that you can find your way to the looking glass & actually look at yourself, what you’re feeling, sensing & seeing & not be afraid to walk through to viewing the truth of what really is. This world is full of illusions….we can choose to feed them or we can choose to dig deeper. We can choose to feel or we can choose to numb out & mask what is really going on. We are given a choice every moment. I choose Truth. I choose Love. I choose Heart instead of Head. I choose Positivity & Light.
misskingrell asked: Not a question just a compliment. I love your article on impermanence. it's quite palpable. I feel like our mentality is waaaaay too similar. Nice to know that there are others out here that care about deeper topics. Thanks for this :) - Namaste
Thank you misskingrell! It’s always nice to meet kindred spirits on the same frequency! It’s a beautiful feeling to know you’re not alone in your thinking & although we’re a large minority in these thoughts, day after day more people are waking up & becoming more aware. We are all connected.
Blessings, Love & Light